What Is Respect?

Respect often seems like a meaningful and powerful word. We claim that we want others to treat us with respect, and we dislike it when others show us disrespect. But what’s the real meaning of this word?

The word respect has a number of definitions — feel free to look it up if you’d like — but in the context of relating to the beliefs of others, the most basic and fitting definition is to have “due regard” for the other person’s beliefs.

What does that mean?

Due regard means paying attention to another person’s beliefs. To regard something is to look at it. The Latin origin of the word respect also means “to look back.” Respect is just observation. To respect a belief is to observe it — to acknowledge its existence.

So the word respect doesn’t actually pack a lot of punch. It really just means looking at another person’s beliefs. You don’t have to like those beliefs. You may even think they’re stupid. But you can still respect someone’s beliefs merely by acknowledging that such beliefs exist. That a pretty low bar, wouldn’t you say?

What about the flip side?

Interestingly, the word disrespect isn’t merely the opposite of respect. Disrespect packs more punch.

To disrespect someone’s beliefs could mean ignoring those beliefs entirely, but more commonly, it means showing a lack of courtesy — i.e. being impolite. Being impolite means not showing good manners. And manners are social expectations.

So basically, if you violate other people’s expectations of how they believe you should behave towards them, that’s considered being disrespectful.

The opposite of disrespect is often what gets transplanted to supplement the rather weak definition of respect.

Consequently, the common meaning of respect is to behave as other people feel you should behave. If you violate others’ expectations in certain ways, then you’re being disrespectful. If you behave the way others feel you should behave, then you’re being respectful.

So respect is actually a form of obedience. Doesn’t that make sense in a way? Aren’t the most obedient people typically considered the most respectful? And isn’t disobedience often labeled as disrespectful?

Respect is very much an “eye of the beholder” concept. What one person sees as respectful could be interpreted as disrespectful by another, and vice versa. So if someone behaves as you believe people should behave, that’s a show of respect. If someone violates your expectations in ways you dislike, you may interpret that as a sign of disrespect. And from your perspective, you’d always be right.

By these definitions I could label myself as either highly respectful or highly disrespectful. On the one hand, I definitely pay attention to other people’s beliefs. I certainly don’t ignore how others think, feel, and behave. I often like to delve into someone’s beliefs when I’m getting to know them. So in that sense, I’m very respectful. I consciously observe.

On the other hand, I frequently violate other people’s expectations of how I should behave. I don’t feel compelled to follow social norms. This is often deliberate. I recognize the expected behaviors, and I consciously choose not to adhere to them. To many people this is a very disrespectful thing to do.

One person may love that I like to be honest and direct and may hold me in high regard for that. Another person may perceive me as being discourteous for the exact same behavior. Within their own frames, they’d both be right.

Since the definitions of respect and disrespect are personal, I’ll share a personal example for you to chew on.

I think it’s wrong to forcibly impregnate, to cage, and to slaughter animals. So if someone supports this system, such as by buying animal products in restaurants or grocery stores, then they’re automatically disrespecting my beliefs. Note that I don’t feel the same about people who would hunt animals for food to survive in the wild. While I wouldn’t do that myself, I don’t automatically consider such people as being disrespectful towards my beliefs or disrespectful towards animals. But to support modern factory farming, there’s no way around it — that’s about as disrespectful as a person can get. It’s disrespectful towards animals. It’s disrespectful towards the environment. And it’s personally disrespectful towards my beliefs. Such behavior goes pretty far beyond being impolite and discourteous.

When a meat eater tells me they respect my beliefs, from their perspective they may also be right. They may require nothing more to satisfy that definition than to observe that I’m a vegan, which is pretty easy to do. But at the same time, they also qualify for my definition of disrespect.

If someone who enjoys killing people’s pets decides to refrain from killing any pets in front of you as a show of respect for your beliefs, would you give such a person credit for their politeness and courtesy? Maybe you would… I dunno. I’d be more concerned with what they’re doing to the pets — relative to that, it’s inconsequential whether or not they’re committing such violent acts in my presence.

Now would a meat eater determine that what I just shared is a sign of disrespect towards them? That depends on the person. I’m sure many would find me disrespectful. They may determine that I’m not behaving as they believe I should behave. Perhaps in their views, I’m not allowed to say that I consider supporting factory farming a show of disrespect towards my beliefs. How could I say something like that? It not only impolite and discourteous… it’s downright rude!

Then again, I’m sharing my honest thoughts and feelings on my own website and social media pages. I don’t go posting this anywhere else, although other people are free to reshare it. It’s not like I’m chasing anyone down and pushing these ideas onto them. People have to seek me out and choose to engage with me. The meat eaters who might take issue with this are always coming to me.

I see honesty as one of the highest forms of respect. I feel that I’m respecting people far more by being as honest and open as I can as I share my path of personal growth. I think it would be disrespectful to pretend to be someone I’m not, to present a false image of myself even if it’s more socially acceptable.

Can I still respect someone that I feel is disrespectful of my beliefs? I don’t see why not. I have too many readers to expect all of them to respect my beliefs. I think it’s unrealistic to expect everyone to adhere to my ethical standards. That said, I feel it would be quite phony to pretend that I feel my beliefs are being respected by those who think it’s fine to support the rape, confinement, and slaughter of animals. What does it matter if they’re doing it in front of me or not?

Is it automatically a show of disrespect to tell someone that you feel disrespected by them? I don’t think so. I think it can actually be a powerful show of respect to do this. I don’t feel my meat eating friends show any respect for my beliefs when they willingly support of a system that is so incredibly unethical, corrupt, and harmful in my view. I don’t feel I’m being at all disrespectful towards them in saying that. In fact, I believe I’m being very respectful. I honor them enough to share my truth with them.

And again, this isn’t forced upon anyone. I share this only with those who willingly choose to engage with my work. I don’t chase anyone down and push these ideas onto them. I’m not a hunter.

I know that many meat eaters consider it a show of respect to tone down their flesh consumption in the presence of vegetarians or vegans. I’m sure some veg*ans appreciate that. Personally it makes little difference to me in terms of feeling respected — it’s a drop in the bucket if I know they’ll go right on supporting factory farming when I’m not around. I’d actually consider it more honest if they didn’t make such adjustments on my behalf. If they genuinely feel like sharing a vegan meal together, great. But if they’d rather have animal products and are toning down the carnivore behavior because they want to be respectful of my beliefs, I don’t actually give them any meaningful credit for that. It doesn’t make me feel any more respected.

That said, I do actually prefer it when meat eaters don’t eat flesh in front of me, but that’s because I find the sight and smell of rotting flesh kinda disgusting — especially the smell of dead fish. So I will give them some courtesy credit for not nauseating me.

What does respect mean to you? What would you consider disrespectful? Do you believe that telling someone you feel disrespected is necessarily a show of disrespect? Or could such honesty be a deeper show of respect, perhaps even an invitation to connect on a whole new level?

You, of course, have the freedom to make your own determinations about which behaviors you consider to be respectful vs. disrespectful. And whatever you decide, you’re right.

Steve Recommends
Here are my recommendations for products and services I've reviewed that can improve your results. This is a short list since it only includes my top picks.

Site Build It! - Use SBI to start your own money-making website
Getting Rich with Ebooks - Earn passive income from ebooks
Lefkoe Method - Permanently eliminate a limiting belief in 20 minutes
PhotoReading - Read books 3 times faster
Paraliminals - Condition your mind for positive thinking and success
The Journal - Record your life lessons in a secure private journal
Sedona Method (FREE audios) - Release your blocks in a few minutes
Life on Purpose - A step-by-step process to discover your life purpose

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The Ultimate Champion

November 25, 2013 November 25, 2013/ mark waltz

“I am a member of a team, and I rely on the team, I defer to it and sacrifice for it, because the team, not the individual, is the ultimate champion.” - Mia Hamm, retired professional women's soccer player

Don't be confused. That's not a picture of Mia Hamm. That's her quote, though. The lady pictured here - Julie Smies - is my administrative assistant. And she understands team.

Julie has been on my team as my assistant for nearly nine years. As my assistant...

She represents me - and our entire connections and multisite teams - to people in our church, in our WiredChurches network and in our community. The impact of her tone, words, facial expressions, professionalism and personableness cannot be underestimated.She understands that people perceive me, our teams, and our church through her representation.Her number one priority is to help me and our team win. For a long time this was tough for me to say aloud. It sounds ridiculously egotistical. But the reality is - it is her number one job.Her can-do attitude, mountain-moving determination, and humble spirit allow me to do what God has called me to do, to do what I've been charged to accomplish.She is a wiling servant.  Her task list isn't merely that she handles phone calls or my schedule or my email, her "task list" is intentionally choosing to serve. Whatever that means.This doesn't mean I see her as a slave! That she is not! She is an intelligent, thinking, quite independent person who chooses to work interdependently for the sake of the team.

All that said, it's a huge plus that she is a dear friend to my wife, Laura. This brings a heightened level of trust and respect to the working relationship Julie and I share and serves Laura and my marriage well too. Truth is - Laura and I see Julie and her husband, Jim, as family friends. We actually like each other and enjoy being together. 

In fact since Laura's diagnosis with breast cancer in late July, Julie has gone above and beyond. She has been our friend, caring deeply for Laura. During the rigors of chemotherapy, she embraced what had to be done - things I was not getting done - and she found a way. She has carried an exceptional load this fall on my behalf. I am grateful beyond the words I can find here.

Julie makes our entire connections and multisite teams better. She's part of the team. Her role is no less important than anyone else's. Her joy, grace and love of Jesus is a delight to experience. It fuels her work and brings fulness to our team.

The "who" on your team matters. The team, after all, is the ultimate champion.

View the original article here

Money and Your Path With a Heart

There’s this idea that if we want to experience more financial abundance, we must identify and rewire our limiting beliefs about money, such as “money doesn’t grow on trees” or “money is the root of all evil.” But the people I know who have lots of money usually didn’t bother to fuss over their beliefs. In fact, current brain research tells us that dwelling on limiting beliefs can be self-defeating since you’re still reinforcing the same neural patterns by thinking about them, thereby making them stronger.

A more effective approach is to largely ignore your so-called limiting beliefs. Put your focus on what you desire first and foremost. The tricky part is figuring out what you actually desire.

I found that the best approach for me, financially speaking, is to follow my path with a heart and to admit that money just isn’t that important to me in the grand scheme of things. So I actually seek to minimize the role of money in my life, making it mostly irrelevant. I create enough financial abundance that I don’t have to devote much mental bandwidth to fussing over money. Money is there when I need it; otherwise I can largely ignore it. This frees up my attention to express my creativity, to explore relationships with people, to travel, to read a lot, and to generally enjoy and experience the aspects of life that matter to me so much more than money ever will.

When I tried to center my life around money, it didn’t make me happy. I found it pretty stressful actually. It set me up for a competitive relationship with others. And I wasn’t very good at making money for the sake of money anyway. I didn’t find myself particularly motivated to do the things that would make me more money. I would procrastinate on seemingly profitable work and spend time learning about personal growth instead, which for much of my life was just a side hobby.

Eventually I saw the folly in investing so much energy into trying to make more money, especially when I wasn’t doing a very good job of it anyway. I realized that I don’t actually want to fuss or stress over money in my life. I don’t really want to make a lot of money. That isn’t a true desire for me. A more genuine desire is that I’d like to live without giving much attention to money. I’d like to live as if everything I desire is free.

Growing up, I was inspired by the characters in the universe of Star Trek: The Next Generation. They didn’t seem to need money. Technically they did have money in their universe, but money was so unimportant that hardly anyone talked about it — except for one race that everyone made fun of. The people in that universe worked because they wanted to work, not because they got paid. Money was irrelevant because they lived in a universe of abundance. They had unlimited food, cozy quarters, quality healthcare, and speedy transportation. Having all their needs met gave them the freedom to focus on other parts of their lives: hobbies like music or painting, recreation, intimate relationships, reading, exploration, and more. They lived in the ultimate personal growth playground.

I was inspired by that idea and asked myself how close I could get to it in the real world. Obviously this reality isn’t the same idealized fictional universe, but I could at least get closer to it if I tried. I realized that one step was to earn a certain threshold level of income in such a way that it wouldn’t require me to do a lot of grunt work to maintain it, and then all my expenses would be covered. That’s what got me interested in passive income.

I’ve been experiencing that reality for many years now, and honestly… I love it.

In order to play the game of life this way, I made decisions that many people would consider foolish. That’s because their priority is to make more money. My priority is to have a life. I’m not interested in getting rich or retiring. I’m already doing what I’d do if I were retired. So I deliberately pass up many opportunities to earn more money, so I can give less attention to money and more attention to personal growth, relationships, and more. I’m very pleased with this trade-off.

I don’t want to waste my life fussing over money. I did that during much of my 20s, and I think it was a mistake to live that way.

What may surprise you is that I learned to live this way even when I was broke. The key is how you focus your mind. To really enjoy life, focus your mind on what you love most, and bring that into your life now — not later, not when you have more money. Whatever you think money will add to your life, you’re probably wrong about that. Add those elements to your life now. So if you think money will allow you to travel more, start traveling now, even if you’re doing a lot of couchsurfing. Realize that you already have the means to do what you tell yourself you’re going to do when you have the money. You’ve just been programmed by social conditioning to think you need more money, but you don’t. And besides, you aren’t really going to be more motivated to earn extra money if you aren’t already following your path with a heart.

Take time to experience the simple pleasures of life. Put more attention on what you can enjoy and experience right now. That doesn’t actually require money. You can enjoy a long walk for free. Long walks are still one of my favorite pleasures.

When I couldn’t afford to buy books, I would go to the library and check out five or ten personal development books and audio programs and go through them. I very much enjoyed doing that, and it was free. I still do this today, typically averaging about one audiobook per week.

Today I can buy the best organic produce. I don’t have to look at prices when I shop. I like to shop as if everything were free. Whatever the bill is, I know I have plenty of money to cover it.

When I couldn’t afford the best food, I bought the best that I could afford and learned to appreciate it. I tried different foods. I learned to cook. I expressed my desire to have growth experiences through whatever level of abundance I could muster.

That approach was very motivating. It gave me a reason to actually earn some money. My reason for earning money was to help express my desired life path — a path centered around personal growth, exploration, and relationships. The real shift happened when I stopped using a lack of money as an excuse for not pursuing that path. I released the fear of not having enough. I started pursuing this path when I was broke. The money came later.

In my experience, needing money has usually pushed it away. When I don’t adopt a needy relationship to money, I seem to attract plenty of it. It flows to me quite naturally as a result of following my path with a heart. When I’m on this path, I’m feeling good about my life, my self development, my connections to people, and my contribution to the world. That state of being is very attractive. It attracts people, opportunities, business deals, and more. And that state of being doesn’t depend on having any particular level of income.

What if I want to increase my income? Trying to increase it directly seldom works. What works for me is to expand my path with a heart first. Internally I must open my heart to greater challenges or new levels of experience. If those experiences require more money, then the money will flow into my life — but only when I take the first step and get moving.

Quite often when it seems like money is a block to having certain experiences, that’s a false belief. We block ourselves because we aren’t ready. We’ve turned our backs on our light. In truth we are very powerful and creative beings, capable of summoning wonderful experiences into our lives when we’re finally ready to embrace them — and all their rippling consequences.

I used to think that traveling overseas was a really big deal. I turned it into this behemoth of complexity. I definitely used a lack of money as a reason for not traveling more. I also used the excuse of being in a relationship with a woman who didn’t like to travel. But once I realized that those limitations were just excuses and that of course I was a powerful enough being to summon the experience of travel into my life, I simply made it happen. It felt like there was a push to get moving initially, but afterwards it felt more like allowing than pushing.

Once I started traveling more, I began getting a lot more free travel invites. As I shed the belief that I needed money to travel, I found myself being able to enjoy amazing trips while spending very little money. For instance, people would invite me to speak at their events, and they’d pay for my travel expenses and provide a place to stay. I recently received an invite for my fourth free trip to Europe within the past two years, to speak at the Lifestyle Design Convention in Zurich in January 2015. I haven’t been to Switzerland yet, so I’m really look forward to it.

But of course this wouldn’t be happening if I wasn’t following my path with a heart. Part of that path involved facing and overcoming fears. I used to really dislike public speaking. Now I love it! It’s such a beautiful way to share a positive message and connect with people.

I’ll probably be getting speaking invitations with free travel opportunities for the rest of my life. I love speaking, I love traveling, and I love meeting new people, so this adds a lot of happiness to my life. This unfolded very gracefully by following my path with a heart. I didn’t have to push myself to do work I disliked to earn more money just so I could travel. I made travel a part of my life first, to the extent that I could afford it, and then it expanded, including the expansion of opportunities to fuel it.

You may be assuming that money is the ultimate fuel, the ultimate enabler, the ultimate resource in life. If that were true, then people with lots of money should be so much happier, shouldn’t they? But the data shows that once you get passed about $75-80K per year in income, happiness doesn’t increase with additional income and often decreases.

I have many wealthy friends who earn 10 to 100 times as much as I do. Most of them, however, actually seem less happy than I am. Some of them have told me they’re jealous of my lifestyle. They have empires to manage. They travel 150-200 days per year because they believe they have to. Otherwise they wouldn’t make as much money, and they might have to start laying people off. They often seem worried about potential threats to their revenue streams. Some of them are disturbed by the fact that I’ve uncopyrighted most of my work since they believe that intellectual property is their most valuable asset. But what does their income matter if they aren’t as happy as they could be, if they’re experiencing chronically higher stress levels, if they spend a lot of time worrying, if they wrap their self-esteem into their achievements (which sets them up for an inevitable fall)?

I think that especially in the U.S., we undervalue what actually makes us happy in life. We push ourselves to earn more, but why? If the path to get to that next level of income isn’t fulfilling, and if the money isn’t likely to fulfill you either, then why expend so much energy on an unfulfilling path? Why not put happiness and fulfillment first in our lives — and then see what it does to our incomes?

The approach that worked for me was to surrender the socially conditioned path. I gave up the path that said I have to earn lots of money first, and then I can do whatever I want and be happy. After trying that for many years, I found it foolish and unfulfilling. I actually resigned myself to being broke, figuring it would be worth it to be perpetually broke if I could at least spend a lot of time doing what I found fulfilling and enjoyable. But much to my surprise and delight, that path with a heart turn out to also be the path of abundance.

Steve Recommends
Here are my recommendations for products and services I've reviewed that can improve your results. This is a short list since it only includes my top picks.

Spring Forest Healingfest (Free) - Learn to heal yourself with qi gong
Site Build It! - Use SBI to start your own money-making website
Getting Rich with Ebooks - Earn passive income from ebooks
Lefkoe Method - Permanently eliminate a limiting belief in 20 minutes
PhotoReading - Read books 3 times faster
Paraliminals - Condition your mind for positive thinking and success
The Journal - Record your life lessons in a secure private journal
Sedona Method (FREE audios) - Release your blocks in a few minutes
Life on Purpose - A step-by-step process to discover your life purpose

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Room for Doubt. On Easter

People matter. Period. They matter to God. They matter to me. You're a people - you matter, too. 

Here I'll share tips on all things related to the worth and value of human life: guest services - in and out of the local church; volunteering best practices, thoughts on multisite church campuses, ramblings about leadership, my heart on family and relationships, and some insight to my relationship with Jesus ... and questions about all of this.  

Please join the conversation by leaving a comment, observation or question. 

And thanks for stopping by.

View the original article here

How Poor Funnel Structures Defeat Sales Coaching, Reduce Sales

This is a story about two companies’ sales funnels. One company has a sales funnel that improves win rates, the other doesn’t.

“Company A” uses the most common approach, orienting its sales funnel to the steps of its sales process: qualifying, solution identified, quotation provided, demonstration delivered, etc. You know the drill.

Company B uses a funnel based on the customer’s buying process. Each stage of the funnel identifies specific actions that customers take when they are moving forward in their buying process. It is these “customer go forward actions” that salespeople seek to achieve as they progress an opportunity through their funnel.

Company A’s funnel causes everyone, both salespeople and sales managers, to focus on the steps of their sales process. Sales opportunities are tracked based on sales tasks performed by the salesperson.

Because of the inward focus of Company A’s funnel, a sales opportunity can seem to be progressing quite nicely because the salesperson is doing everything the funnel described. But if the customer slows down their buying process or the rep makes a mistake, nobody knows until it’s too late because neither the rep nor the sales manager is measuring the success of each sales call based on customer actions. They often get blindsided when a “sure-thing” is lost, or goes radio-silent.

In short, the sales behaviors defined in Company A’s funnel are an inaccurate metric because sales reps are so often out of sync with customers’ views.

Another flaw in Company A’s approach is that it is based on sales process statistics that are lagging indicators (data collected after a process is complete) – such as how many calls, appointments, demos, and quotes have been made. Therefore, most coaching done by sales managers at Company A is what I would describe as “performance management.” That’s where a sales manager reviews what a sales rep has already done. Typically, then, the manager cracks the whip by saying, “make more calls, and do it faster!” Meanwhile, the rep is thinking, “That’s the same advice you gave me last month and it didn’t help.”

Over at Company B, things are run differently. A few years ago they became alarmed about poor user adoption of their CRM system. Salespeople were not inputting information in a timely manner, so the accuracy of the information being recorded was questionable. Not good.

Company B recognized that simply providing more training on CRM usage wasn’t the answer. They wanted their sales force to be more motivated to use CRM. But that would only happen if sales managers used CRM to become more effective sales coaches - proactively coaching salespeople through big deals in a constructive way so that reps won more deals and made more money.

Providing sales managers with improved visibility on customer actions in the earlier stages of a deal was a big reason why Company B switched the focus of their sales funnel to be focused on the buying process. Most sales managers are instinctively drawn to intervene in the latter stages of a deal, to help close it. But from the customer’s perspective, it’s in the earlier stages of the buying process when the size of the deal is determined – so better sales coaching during the earlier stages of an opportunity is crucial to making major sales.

To build their Buying Process Funnel, Company B identified buyer actions for each stage of the buying process. These became criteria in the sales funnel that indicate a customer has completed one step of buying and is moving on to the next. Salespeople can now review those criteria to help them answer the question, “What specific action do I want my prospect to take at the end of this meeting?” They want to get the customer to commit to go-forward actions linked to these criteria. The better a sales rep becomes at having customers complete next-step actions, the smoother and more predictable the sales funnel becomes.

Now, if and when a buyer chooses not to move forward, a buying process action criterion is not met and so alarm bells go off at Company B. Sales managers are alerted to the problem right away, and can intervene while there is still a chance to fix the problem and get the opportunity back on track.

Company B has discovered that with a Buying Process Funnel they get far better usage of their CRM system by both reps and managers — sales coaching is improved. Sales forecasts are more accurate because everybody is more focused on what the customer is doing.

For years, most sales organizations have a self-concept that “we are customer-focused.” But in practice, the tools many of them have been using are built around their sales process. This disconnect leads to ineffective sales coaching and poor win rates.

If your organization suffers from some of these same problems, take a hard look at your company’s sales funnel, and the sales training program it maps to. Implement a buying process focused sales funnel in 2014.

Kevin Davis is the president of TopLine Leadership, which provides customized training on sales management leadership skills and sales effectiveness. Kevin is the author of two sales books, including “Slow Down, Sell Faster!” 

Written for TrainingIndustry.com

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Stepping off the Stage

Earlier this week my wife, Laura, and I read from Jesus' sermon on the mount: Matthew 5-7. The opening paragraph of chapter 6 from Eugene Peterson's The Message goes like this:  

“Be especially careful when you are trying to be good so that you don’t make a performance out of it. It might be good theater, but the God who made you won’t be applauding."

This isn't news: I'm a recovering Pharisee. That is, I'm a long-time "wrapped-in-religion people-pleaser." If you don't quite understand me yet, that means that too often in my life my motivation for most anything has come from trying to make others happy with me. Approval. Acceptance. Smiles. "Isn't he awesome?" kind of stuff.

Sick, I know. I lived that way for more years than I want to admit. So I won't. But I did.  

For years I dismissed myself from Jesus' audience of Pharisees. After all I wasn't putting on a show. I wasn't making a big production out of my serving or leading or caring for people. But if I'm waiting for accolades or bothered by the lack of them, well... welcome to my stage.

Truth is, I am still tempted to live out of that paradigm... that identity. 

It's an identity that wants to define me as "enough." An approach to life that practically disregards all that Jesus has done as "enough." A paradigm that dismisses the grace of God as sufficient, as though the acceptance of people is somehow better or preferred to His acceptance. Which all in all, makes me arrogant and other people my false idols.  

Sick, I know. But, I'm recovering.  

Now, if you're reading this and you're disheartened by the notion that I've faked concern for you, or that I've lied about praying for you, I haven't. I do care, I serve because I love people, and I pray out of deep trust that people matter to me... and certainly to God.

I want God's applause, even though my old tapes scream otherwise. I want God happy with me, and apparently He already is. I want to be good enough, and God says I am through Jesus. 

There's one place to go when we leave our self-absorbed stage, and that's into the welcome arms of Jesus who calls us to simply rest.  

“Are you tired? Worn out? Burned out on religion? Come to me. Get away with me and you’ll recover your life. I’ll show you how to take a real rest. Walk with me and work with me—watch how I do it. Learn the unforced rhythms of grace. I won’t lay anything heavy or ill-fitting on you. Keep company with me and you’ll learn to live freely and lightly.”

Recovering Pharisees are called to rest. Join me.

 

View the original article here

Speed Up!

Don’t use the “enjoy the process” mantra to justify slogging along even more slowly and watching your goals die. It’s a huge limiting belief to assume that going faster means you’re doing something wrong and creating too much stress.

Making goals happen faster is often a LOT more fun. Fast tempo is HOW you enjoy the process. And some goals cannot be achieved slowly at all, so in many cases faster means success while slower means failure.

If going faster makes the process of achieving your goals less enjoyable for you, you’ve probably chosen the wrong goals to begin with. If you don’t want them sooner, you probably don’t want them.

On my first attempt at college, I tried going at the normal student pacing towards graduation. I found my classes boring and uninspiring. The goal of graduating in four years seemed distant and too much out of my control. The whole experience was pretty depressing, despite the fact that I was attending the #1 school in the nation for my major at the time. I did my best to enjoy the process by having more fun outside of class — getting drunk twice a week, shoplifting like crazy, and playing a lot of poker. That helped — I certainly enjoyed the process more, but it didn’t help me on my path towards graduation. After three semesters I was expelled, and rightly so.

I took a year off, then tried again. This time I tweaked the goal to make it more fun and inspiring — to start over as a freshman and earn my 4-year computer science degree in 1.5 years. All I really needed to tweak was the speed. That brought many other inspiring elements to the table — the full engagement of my mind, motivation, focus, curiosity, different ways of thinking about education, a sense of control over the process, higher self-esteem, access to deeper resourcefulness, a powerful vision of myself as being more productive than ever, and so on. This was the inspired path. The energy I felt upon considering a serious speed increase was a clear sign that I was onto something.

It also worked. Speed made the goal fun and meaningful. It brought interesting challenges. I revelled in the time management aspect. Finally I had a goal that felt worthy of me, not the mind-numbing snail’s pace of my first attempt at a college education. After all, if 15 semester units equates to 15 hours per week of classroom work (the average for a full-time student), then where is all the extra time going? A serious full-time student can invest a lot more than 15 hours a week in classes. Homework alone isn’t enough to fill in all the other hours of a week.

Instead of making the goal more terrifying and stressful, the faster pacing made the goal so much more fun. I loved the experience!

What I love about speed is that it pushes me not just to achieve the goal but also to become a better person along the way. In order to achieve a goal faster, I have to change myself. I have to release more limiting beliefs. I have to become more organized. I have to focus better. I have let go of more fluff. I have to cultivate new relationships with like-minded achievers. I have to get better at avoiding distractions. Since I love personal growth, goals that challenge me in this way are so much more fun than goals that don’t. The speed aspect is what helps me enjoy the process. Without sufficient speed the enjoyment just isn’t there.

Imagine playing your favorite game at 1/10th the speed. Does that help you enjoy the game more or less? For some, maybe it does help. Chess can be enjoyable at a very slow pacing. I’m not suggesting that all goals need to be sped up.

Just don’t rule out speed as being negatively stressful. Not all stress is bad. A fast tempo can create a lot of eustress — positive, beneficial stress. It can also mean the difference between achieving a goal and failing to achieve it. Going so slowly that you fail to achieve your desired outcome usually isn’t much fun. You can always justify such failure in retrospect with a “well, at least I learned something” or “I still enjoyed the process” mindset, and that can help, but wouldn’t it have been even better to gain the lessons AND to achieve the goal as well?

How much faster is better? I’m not talking incremental speed increases in most cases. I’m suggesting that you consider a 2x increase in speed at least. Even think about a 10x increase. Look at one of your goals and ask yourself, “How could I achieve this goal 2x, 5x, or even 10x faster?” I love the 10x question because it really gets me thinking in new directions.

Going fast is one of the things I love about writing. It’s why I’ve written so much. If I wrote as slowly as many other writers do, I’d be underground with a bullet in my decaying skull by now. Going too slowly is a creativity killer for me. I have to write fast to enjoy the process.

These days I can write a 2500-word article in about 2 hours flat. That includes the time from when I get the initial idea to when it’s fully written, edited, and published on my website. Many writers I’ve talked to consider that very fast. I consider it fun.

This morning I got up at 5am. I got an idea for a new article at 5:20am. And now this 1100+ word article is published a little after 6am — less than 45 minutes from idea to publication. That pacing is fun. I enjoyed those 40-odd minutes. I could have taken all morning to write this piece, but why go so slow? Fast is fun!

At a higher speed, I’ll make more mistakes. I may not be as elegant or polished, but so what? I can be blunt instead. I’ll get the ideas shared and moving. Some people will benefit from them. That’s what matters. Keep the energy moving and flowing at a pacing that feels exciting. Go too slow, and the ideas shrivel and die.

Today I decided to take on the challenge of writing for about 12 hours straight — fast — just to see how much content I can create and how quickly I can create it. I intend to keep writing throughout the day with only brief breaks for meals and mental rest as needed. I’ll publish the articles produced over some weeks, not all at once. A challenge like this is a way for me to enjoy the process of writing even more.

Note that going faster doesn’t mean working crazy long hours necessarily. It means thinking differently about your work, focusing yourself, and having MORE FUN.

Would you enjoy the process of achieving your goals even more if you doubled, tripled, or 10x’d your pacing? Pick a goal and ask yourself, how can I 10x the speed? See what fresh ideas bubble up from your subconscious. See if you feel any added energy or excitement from the speed. Then go!

Steve Recommends
Here are my recommendations for products and services I've reviewed that can improve your results. This is a short list since it only includes my top picks.

Feng Shui Fest (Free) - Alter your space to increase flow and peace
Site Build It! - Use SBI to start your own money-making website
Getting Rich with Ebooks - Earn passive income from ebooks
Lefkoe Method - Permanently eliminate a limiting belief in 20 minutes
PhotoReading - Read books 3 times faster
Paraliminals - Condition your mind for positive thinking and success
The Journal - Record your life lessons in a secure private journal
Sedona Method (FREE audios) - Release your blocks in a few minutes
Life on Purpose - A step-by-step process to discover your life purpose

If you've found Steve's work helpful, please donate to show your support.
Get Steve's Free Newsletter to stay in touch and receive the newest updates

View the original article here

Building Trust And Collaboration In The Training World

There is no denying that effective collaboration is critical for business success, especially in the world of training. Collaboration is required among executives, business units, the training department and learners to ensure that everyone is on the same page. 

Whether across the hall or, across the ocean, true collaboration relies on having real, constructive conversations to better understand each other and build a foundation of trust. Without trust, the dirty work of suspicion, questioning of motives and mistrust will cripple effective collaboration and derail organizational success. 

There is a lot of hype around the term collaboration, especially with the rapid growth of social media and technology. In fact, certain tools claim to heighten collaboration just by offering a forum for communication. However, effective collaboration isn’t that simple. It’s not merely about where people collaborate and how to make it effective. 

There are specific requirements for sparking and sustaining efficient and innovative collaboration that will achieve, and even accelerate, business results. Effective collaboration requires uncovering what drives and motivates people and opening a forum of communication based on truly understanding each other. And there is a role that training can actively play in making this happen. 

The Natural Default to Mistrust 

Research shows that most people are well intentioned and that they have a deep desire to understand the motivations behind people’s words and actions as well as, the reasoning for organizational changes. However, without a way to gain a clear understanding of how things will affect us personally, adjustments – such as shifting leadership, or merely the arrival of a new colleague – can bring about suspicion, assumptions and judgments.  

It’s easy for individuals and teams – especially when under stress – to default to a place of suspicion and mistrust. This happens because when people don’t understand others’ motives, they tend to get emotional and jump to conclusions. Negative lines of questioning take over and any chance of effective collaboration disintegrates. 

As part of the natural hesitation to trust others, people can experience difficulty working on projects with others. Through no fault of their own, people who come from different teams, backgrounds, departments or cultures often have trouble understanding each other, aligning on common goals or simply communicating. HR, training and development executives can help bridge these gaps. Establishing common experiences and common languages as a base to build upon is necessary to prevent this from happening. 

Real, Constructive Conversations 

Organizations are much more effective, and collaboration is much more successful, when leaders and teams assume positive intent – much easier to do when you know how colleagues are wired. Unfortunately, people separated by geography or who may not see eye-to-eye frequently avoid real conversations and often don’t try to work through misunderstandings. Clearly, this negatively impacts teams, departments and even the overall organization. 

Positive, constructive communication can override these fundamentally self-preserving elements and instincts from creeping into the workplace; successfully opening the door for effective collaboration. 

Real, constructive conversations are steeped in a personal awareness of one’s own motivations and help people generate a better understanding of others. They help people align on common goals, problems and solutions without jumping to conclusions. And, they build a foundation of trust. 

How Training Can Help

There are certain departments and leaders who can pave the path for effective collaboration. While CEOs and project leaders rely heavily on collaboration among their team members, training executives can be change agents. Settings where employees are learning about the culture of the organization can serve as the perfect environments in which to address the need for trust, why to “assume positive intent,” how to ask real questions, the importance of constructive conversations and why trust is valued in the organization. 

Training and development executives are encouraged to consider these questions while preparing training activities that build the platform for effective collaboration: 

How are we helping colleagues understand each other’s personal and professional motivations?

Find ways to understand and explain each person’s drives and motivations so people know where others are coming from and how they are wired. Foster an environment where people can learn each other’s similarities and differences, as well as their needs, talents and vulnerabilities. 

How can the training department help build trust? 
Once people better understand each other, they are more likely to build a foundation of trust. Pinpoint times right after employees are hired or facing change; these are great times to step back, explore the level of trust between individuals and facilitate ways to connect. Uncovering common experiences and creating common languages can help bring people together. Are “real conversations” happening within the organization and how can you play a role? 
If the training department is aware that employees are questioning each other’s motives or misaligned with the organization, it’s imperative to step in. Host forums where people can get their questioned answered, learn more about each other and have their voice heard. 

Training executives can – and should – play a considerable role in building trust and fostering collaboration within an organization. Whether in the classroom or during employee onboarding, team building or other activities, remember that your efforts will make an impact and the larger organization will reap the benefits. 

Paul Burgess is the founder and CEO of Link-up International.  

Written for TrainingIndustry.com

View the original article here

Skydiving Recap

Skydiving last month was beautiful. It was easier than I expected.

On April 14, Rachelle and I went skydiving with Skydive Las Vegas, along with another local couple (who actually met at one of my workshops). As far as I know, this place only offers tandem jumps, so that’s what we did. This makes it easy since you’re strapped to an instructor who handles opening the chute and tells you what to do. The only real work is to get your body into the correct position as you exit the plane. Gravity takes care of the rest.

We picked a beautiful day to go. It was around room temperature on the ground, but higher up it’s a bit colder. It wasn’t cold enough to be a bother. The cold felt refreshing on the way down.

The whole experience went by really quick. From the time the plane took off until the time we were back on the ground was probably less than 30 minutes. I’d say the entire experience from when we arrived until when we left was about 2.5 hours. With driving time from my house, it was about 4 hours door to door — a nice way to spend a Monday morning.

Before jumping, we had to watch a short video explaining what to expect and the various risks involved, including the risk of going splat on the ground. Then we had to sign a liability waiver, the likes of which I’d never seen before, basically stating that no matter what hideously catastrophic outcome might possibly occur, we wouldn’t even dream of suing the place.

The plane ride up took about 20 minutes. In our group there were 7 jumpers and 7 instructors, so we had 14 people packed into the back of the plane. We all sat down straddling long wooden benches that ran from the front to the back of the plane, so then we could slide down the benches towards the exit door when it was our turn to jump. Rachelle was the first one from our group to jump. I was the last. That was due to the order in which our instructors put us on the plane.

It was pretty loud on the plane, so we couldn’t engage in much conversation. When the door opened it was super windy — and a bit cold.

When it was my turn to jump, I basically just let my instructor lead and went with the flow. He seemed pretty happy and very non-suicidal, so I figured everything would go according to plan. It did.

I didn’t notice any stomach-drop feeling upon exiting the plane. It was a little disorienting at first as we spun around a bit, but soon we were facing the ground as planned. It felt more like having a powerful high-speed fan blowing at me than actually falling. Many roller coasters are more intense in terms of the physical sensations.

Imagine being strapped to the front of a car driving 120 mph (about 200 kph). That’s what it felt like — super windy!

Emotionally the experience was fun and exhilarating. Freefalling felt surprisingly peaceful and serene, albeit very windy. I enjoyed seeing the beautiful scenery on the way down, although it was a bit blurry since we were going so fast and I was also wearing goggles.

When the chute opened, I felt this feeling of heaviness as my body hung from the harness. The straps actually hurt my inner thighs a bit, especially as we turned.

Shortly after our chute opened, the instructor handed me the straps and gave me the opportunity to steer. That was kind of fun, but the harder I turned, the more painful it was with the straps pushing into my thighs. I would have enjoyed doing more of that if it wasn’t so physically uncomfortable.

After descending with our chute open for a few minutes, the instructor told me to lift my legs up to prep for landing since his legs are supposed to hit the ground first. I expected this instruction… just not so soon. I thought he was doing it way too early since I estimated we still had about 90 seconds before we hit the ground. In reality it was probably more like 20 seconds — the ground came up faster than I expected at the end.

Since I was the last off the plane and therefore the last one to land, it was a really interesting perspective to see everyone else on the ground as I approached from the air. They looked so small, like ants from high above. It was a surreal sensation, like being in some kind of 3D simulator, as I watched their tiny little bodies scale into full-sized human beings as I descended.

Landing was fairly easy. The instructor tugged on the chute straps just before we hit the ground to slow our descent, so we landed gently on our feet. There were other staff members nearby to help steady us.

Cost-wise, the jump was around $200 per person. Then there are various upsells if you want a video or pics of the experience. I wasn’t planning to bother with these initially, but a reader who’d previously gone skydiving highly recommended splurging on these extras for my first jump, suggesting I’d regret it if I didn’t. I’m glad I took his advice. These extras make it easier to remember what the experience was like and to share it. Imagine a skydiving recap post with no pics — that would be pretty lame.

The instructor took the pics and video with two GoPro cameras strapped to his hand. Rachelle and I each ended up with over 300 pics as well as a video. I think the pics were basically taken on a timer, so some of them aren’t so interesting, but there are definitely some nice gems in there. I’ve shared a bunch of them below if you want to see what it was like.

Overall it was a fun experience. Would I do it again? Sure, I’d be up for that, but I can’t say it would be a big deal to repeat it. It takes a fair amount of prep time for roughly 5 minutes of excitement. That’s sort of like standing in line for a couple of hours to go on a thrill ride. If you’re really in the mood for it or if you’ve never done it before, then go for it. Otherwise, I might question if it’s worth the effort. I might go again someday, but for now I’d rather keep exploring in other directions.

One of my readers told me that after his first jump, he’d never want to do it again. He said it would be worse to do it a second time since now he knows what to expect. I feel the opposite. I think it would be easier to do it again, now that I know what it’s like. I imagine this is a very individual thing though.

Here’s Rachelle’s take on the experience — I asked her to share since I figured some readers would enjoy reading another perspective:

I can’t recall the exact time the idea of going skydiving first popped into my head as something I’d like to do one day. But I do recall thinking very early on in my relationship with Steve, “I would totally love to jump out of a plane with this guy! We should go skydiving someday!” I’m glad that day finally came to be.

I had grown up with a bit of a fear of heights. This might have been instilled in me from falling down stairs when I was just a baby. Being in tall buildings and looking down never bothered me, but climbing up a very tall, steep ladder and then knowing I’d have to come back down… that typically made me pretty nervous. I would do it anyhow, especially if it was needed of me, but I would do so very slowly and cautiously, as I wanted to be sure my foot was very secure on each ladder rung before continuing down to the next. But skydiving — would that trigger any nervousness due to the involved height? I wasn’t sure. I guess there was only one way to find out!

The few days leading up to our scheduled skydive were generally pretty relaxed and excited for me, in terms of my emotional state. Although, at times, I would find myself thinking about it and getting inexplicably scared for no real reason. I would push those random thoughts aside and ask myself, “What are you doing? This fear is something completely imaginary! You’re completely safe and sound right now, and yet here you are putting your mind — and thus body — through a fearful state. That’s not very helpful. Why do you want to create that emotional experience for yourself? …You know you don’t. So stop it. Simply turn your thoughts and vibe to something else that you do want to experience.” And so that’s what I would do.

I would imagine myself being very happy and excited to skydive — because, in reality, I was! — and I’d imagine everything going perfectly smoothly in terms of safety and procedures, etcetera. I’d imagine what it must be like to fall through the sky, take in the beautiful surrounding views from above, and the perfect exhilaration I’d feel doing something so delightfully insane like jumping out of an airplane for the mere pleasure, fun, and experience of it all.

The actual skydive turned out to be very much like I had imagined it. That said, I’d still very much encourage anyone to do the real thing vs. simply imagining it.

My skydive partner (i.e. the skydive professional I was attached to for the tandem jump) and I were to be the first ones out of the plane. It’s funny how that came to manifest, because I recall when Steve and I were talking about it the night before, he asked if I had a preference over being first or last to leave the plane… and I had said I thought it would be fun (and even a little challenging — in the positive sense) for me to go first, while he had said he thought it would be interesting to go last. And that’s exactly how it played out: I was the first out of the plane, and he was the last.

I figured that going first would give me less time to be nervous. Not that I wanted to just get it over with, but growing up, and even in my 20s, I had a tendency to wait to be the very last person to do something in a group setting, like a school presentation or acting scene, or a dive during swimming lessons, etc. This time I wanted to challenge myself to be the first. The way reality played out couldn’t have been better.

The skydive itself was an amazing experience. It’s a practice in complete surrender. Although the safety video we had to watch beforehand specifically stated that this was not a ride because we are active participants, I nonetheless found the overall experience to be very much like a ride. You just need to give yourself over to the experience, soak it all in, let go, and have fun. I had a huge dorky smile on my face during the whole dive. It was hard not to!

Free-falling is a delightful sensation that I would very much like to experience again. (Having a working parachute is a prerequisite, however!) It gives you an opportunity to see and feel the world in a whole new way. It almost feelings like flying, or at least how I’d imagine it would feel to be Superwoman and have the ability to fly at high speeds — but while only being able to fly in one direction and speed.

The parachute float-down was quite enjoyable too — it was relaxing, peaceful, and quite beautiful. But I definitely preferred the sensation of free-falling, which felt more exhilarating and even somewhat surreal.

Would I ever want to go again? Sure! Why not!

If you’re thinking about going skydiving someday, you should definitely go. Even if you have a fear of heights, I sincerely believe that you should go skydiving anyway and not let any fear hold you back. After all, the fear only exists in your mind.

Skydiving is an amazing, delightful, exhilarating, surreal, and especially fun experience. I would highly recommend partaking in this activity to anyone. Its sensations are unlike anything you’re used to experiencing throughout your everyday normal life, and therefore, what you take away from it is going to be rather unforgettable.

This was such a delightful occurrence that has provided me with wonderful memories that I’m sure to keep with me for the rest of my life.

Here are some pics to show you what it was like:

All suited up

Walking to the plane

On the plane

Flying over Boulder City, just southeast of Las Vegas

Enjoying beautiful views of Lake Mead and Hoover Dam

She’s good to go

It gets very windy when the door opens

Rachelle is the first to jump

And I’m the last to jump

Goodbye, plane!

Wheeeeeeee!

Freefall

Feels like flying

The ground is getting closer…

… and closer

Deploying the chute

Steering the parachute

Rachelle is steering too

Descending over a golf course… does this count as a birdie? :)

That was fun!

The best excuse for messy hair

Sharing appreciation for a fun ride… and for choosing the right quantum reality

So wonderful to share a new adventure together :)

Steve Recommends
Here are my recommendations for products and services I've reviewed that can improve your results. This is a short list since it only includes my top picks.

Site Build It! - Use SBI to start your own money-making website
Getting Rich with Ebooks - Earn passive income from ebooks
Lefkoe Method - Permanently eliminate a limiting belief in 20 minutes
PhotoReading - Read books 3 times faster
Paraliminals - Condition your mind for positive thinking and success
The Journal - Record your life lessons in a secure private journal
Sedona Method (FREE audios) - Release your blocks in a few minutes
Life on Purpose - A step-by-step process to discover your life purpose

If you've found Steve's work helpful, please donate to show your support.
Get Steve's Free Newsletter to stay in touch and receive the newest updates

View the original article here